


you are not alone

by timeiswasting



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety, Character Study, F/M, Gen, Introspection, Post Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 16:00:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12535592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timeiswasting/pseuds/timeiswasting
Summary: (post season 2 finale)Allura lies awake and watches the ceiling. She should be exhausted, after everything that’s happened she should be able to sleep for a week. Shiro is gone, they cannot form Voltron.And now she is alone with her thoughts and despite how much her body aches, sleep will not come.





	you are not alone

Allura lies awake and watches the ceiling. She should be exhausted, after everything that’s happened, she should be able to sleep for a week. 

Shiro is gone, they cannot form Voltron, and she doesn’t have the same relationship with the paladins as he had, she doesn’t know if she can rally them the same way. Especially now. On top of that she can’t stop thinking about Haggar, Zarkon’s right hand woman and now, she's discovered to her horror, an Altean. Anger had burnt in her chest, how could an Altean betray her entire race, her planet? Allura was fighting tooth and nail against an empire that massacred her people and left her almost completely alone, and now she discovers an Altean is helping the bloody wheels of the empire roll onwards. 

The shock still hasn’t subsided, although it had taken a back seat for a while after discovering the empty black lion and following a silent, despairing group back to the castle.

But now she’s alone with her thoughts and despite how much her body aches, sleep will not come.

The main question plaguing her is, did her father know Haggar? Before Zarkon betrayed them, before the war began, was Haggar at the castle? When did she start helping Zarkon? Was she was working with him from the beginning or did she join him after he left? Allura’s seen enough of Haggar now to know how powerful she is, more poweful than Zarkon for definite, so why does she work under him, stick to his plans and do as he commands? 

Or, did at least. For now it seems Zarkon is gone. But not for long, the empire may have been under his command but it’s far too powerful, with too much momentum, to fall in his absence. Someone will step up, and Allura fears, when they do, the attack will take a far more brutal turn. Zarkon was viscious but he was careful, capturing the lions taking priority, another Galra may have no such qualms.

Feeling her heart rate kick into uncomfortable territory, Allura sits up, attempts to settle her breathing and stop the shaking in her hands. A few minutes of deep, measured breathing later ,she swings her legs over the side of her bed and pushes slowly to her feet. She knows from past experience if she lays there any longer she won’t get any sleep and her thoughts will take her to places she can’t handle at the moment.

She needs a walk and a drink, ideally she’d talk to Coran, bounce some thoughts off of him and drill him, again, for as much as he can remember about Zarkon before the war. But for once she can’t find the energy to wake him up, as much as she loves the man, who’s been there as long as she can remember, tonight, she’s not sure she can go to him.

Her thoughts wonder briefly to Keith as she leaves her room, if she’s feeling this bad, she can’t imagine how he’s handling anything tonight. Shiro was Keith’s anchor, much like Coran is for Allura, losing him must be like having the floor drop out from beneath his feet.

They’re similiar, Keith and her, she’d refused to acknowledge it after he revealed his galra heritage. But she realises it now. Keith put his life on the line even when the Blade of Malmora, the so called galra resistance, wouldn’t dare, not even for the biggest chance to take Zarkon down they’d had. He’s thrown himself into every mission, risked his life over and over and was even willing to leave for good if his presence was jeopardizing Voltron. Like herself. They’d reached something, alone, floating in space, an understanding, a friendship, and almost, almost something else. Something Allura hasn’t felt since she was younger and softer, back on Altea before the war took all her attention, a fluttering, sweet sensation in the pit of her stomach.

Flushing slightly, she tugs a peice of hair out from the messy bun she’d left it in and wraps in around her fist. There’s no time for things like that, she might have pushed past her initial disturbance at Keith’s revelation but that didn’t make the situation any more practical. They were in a war that didn’t take breaks, and Keith and her were hardly the most rational individuals, they couldn’t afford to be distracted.

The feeling remained, however.

By the time she reaches the windows at the end of the command room, she’s pulled most of her hair from her bun and is on the way to knotting it if she doesn’t stop soon. It’s a habit she’d worked herself out of over the years but tonight it seems to have made a comeback while she was distracted. Sighing, she drops gracefully to the floor, leaning her forehead against the glass. The stars blink back at her, the soothing vastness of the scene lulling Allura slightly. 

When she was little, she used to talk to the stars, tell them her troubles, test out what she’d say to the other children the next time she tried to break rank and make friends. After failing to do that she’d go to the window in her room and pour her heart out to the distant lights in the sky. She opens her mouth to speak, but feels the words die in her throat. These are not the same stars. They can’t help her now.

Tears prickle her eyes and she buries her face in her knees, willing them away. At moments like this she misses her father so much she can’t breathe, she longs to hear his voice again, his arms around her in the strongest hug you could imagine.

Altea has never seemed more distant in her memories than it does now.

Something soft touches her hand and she looks down. 

The mice are gathered around her feet, matching looks of concern in their eyes, Platt carefully nudging her hand with his nose. She smiles at them, a little surge of warmth moving through her heart at the sight of them, these little pieces of Altea. Chuchule scrambles up onto her shoulder and snuggles into her neck making a series of soothing noises. The other two make their way to sit on her other arm, Plachu squabbling with Chulatt briefly as they try to find a comfortable place to sit. 

Watching them reminds her of the paladins suddenly; the sound of Pidge warding off Hunk from her equipment for the fifth time in a row, Lance and Keith’s bickering, all of them together in the rec room after a mission. 

Maybe she isn’t so alone. If she can form a relationship with Keith after everything, then she can open her heart to the rest of them too. She may not be alone as she had led herself to believe. The thought brings a treacherous flutter of hope to the surface and she clasps it gently to her chest.

Taking a steadying breath she scoops the mice into her arms and stands, smiling at the chattering they make at her. She knows what she needs to do. Losing Shiro shouldn’t divide them, they need each other more than ever, she needs them, she can’t do this alone anymore. 

First, sleep, then tomorrow she’ll bring them all together and they’ll discuss everything. It won’t be easy; she’s never been good at opening up to people, but with Keith she might be able to start. 

The future may be uncertain but she has the mice, she has Coran, she had Keith, and soon she will have the paladins.

**Author's Note:**

> this is the first thing I wrote for vld (for any fandom actually) and it was born from pure love for allura and excitement for season 3.  
> i figured i'd post it here since i am still genuinely proud of it  
> enjoy <3  
> (original tumblr post: https://infiniteallura.tumblr.com/post/161848052662/allura-lies-awake-and-watches-the-ceiling-she)


End file.
